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B.S. & the Web

Google Searches that Led You to Bullshattuck, March & April 2008

Happy Hairstylist Appreciation Day! For those of you not in the know (i.e. everybody alive), today is officially Hairstylist Appreciation Day! I know, right? I didn't know it was Hairstylist Appreciation Day either, until I found out it was! So go get your haircut! Go appreciate your hairstylist! After all... Hairstylist Appreciation Day only comes around once a year, unlike some of the Jewish holidays.

Seriously, aren't Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah like seven times a year?

Today is also the last day of April. Where did the month go? I'm guessing it probably went with months January, February, and March, although let's not be all scientific about it. The point is, time mostly moves forward, and tomorrow most likely is May. Therefore, it's time to present:

GOOGLE SEARCHES THAT LED YOU TO BULLSHATTUCK IN MARCH & APRIL 2008

Because I didn't post the "Google Searches that Led You to Bullshattuck" list in March, I'll make sure that April is a double edition! That's twice as much!

  • ryan shattuck bull shattuck (this seems pretty obvious)
  • horseshoing joke (I don't know how the joke goes, but I'm sure it's inappropriate)
  • 2008 oscars movie tribute
  • oscars, reviews, 2008
  • republicans in hollywood video (#1 hit!)
  • clinton shattuck (apparently I married Bill, but kept my maiden name)
  • Gay Mormon (this isn't the first search to bring visitors to my site - weird)
  • "repairyourbadcredit.com" rip off (using Google in Russian, no less)
  • Gay Mormon
  • what does the talisman monkey and bull mean in spiritualism (#1 hit!)
  • "he's so old" jokes
  • "ryan shattuck" (knowing that people google me makes me kind of nervous)
  • pennies attak by girls
  • Do gay guys go to heaven (if you have to ask, you don't need to know - and no, they don't)
  • what do you get a 45 year old man for his birthday (I repeat: if you have to ask, you don't need to know)
  • Andy Warhol asexual
  • salt lake city ryan blog cher
  • i received your message on my birthday (using Google in Filipino)
  • Chris Buttars Utah
  • hillary clinton's lucky charms
  • example of my speech for my birthday (using Google in Hawaiian - how multicultural of me)
  • marie osmond
  • rmwarnick profile
  • "Eating Out 2" (I hate this movie, so I'm mad a Google search leads people to my site)
  • Chris Butters utah controversy (seriously, people are still looking this up?)
  • regal seagull
  • bullshattuck (again, this seems obvious)
  • announcing a new brand

I Read Salon.com for the Poo

Came across this headline on Salon.com today. Who cares what the story's about? This has to be the best headline, I'm going to say, ever:

"What is your poo telling you about your health? It's the burning question that has everybody's head in the toilet these days."

Actually no, my poo isn't a burning question. And no, it doesn't have my head in the toilet these days. But aside from that, there's very little to disagree with.

Burning_poo

Wikipedia Find of the Day: "Wikipedia's Founder's Ex Totally Seeks Revenge"

Remember when you watched Kill Bill a couple of years ago, and thought to yourself "Wow, if I ever date Beatrix Kiddo/Black Mamba/The Bride/What's Up With All The Names, I'll have to be sure to not piss her off. Cause seriously, the woman knows how to seek revenge - and I have no desire to die by knife, cobra, or the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique."

Oh c'mon, I couldn't possibly have been the only one to think that.

As it turns out, Beatrix Kiddo/Black Mamba/The Bride/Seriously, What's Up With All The Names has nothing on Rachel Marsden. As in the ex of Jimmy Wales. As in the guy who founded Wikipedia.

Apparently Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales dated Rachel Marsden.

He decided to break up with her by informing her via - what else? - Wikipedia.

Rachel Marsden didn't enjoy being informed via Wikipedia that her relationship had ended.

Rachel Marsden decided to seek revenge by getting rid of some of Jimmy Wales' old stuff.

Not at a garage sale. Not dropping it off at a Salvation Army.

But selling his old stuff on eBay. That's right. You can buy it right here.

This is probably the most amazing story I've heard all week. When you hear about something like this (the jealousy! the intrigue! the manipulation of the internet's most highly-trafficked websites!), you can't help but think... wouldn't this make a great revenge movie? The founder of one of the internet's most popular websites breaks up with a woman, and she retaliates by selling his old crap on one of the internet's most popular websites! Who wouldn't watch that movie?

I know I would, and not just because it's being directed by Quentin Tarantino.

My 15 Minutes of Fame on Google?

(This article was published in the
March 3rd, 2008 issue of the The Daily Utah Chronicle)



Andy Warhol once said, "In the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. This will mostly be accomplished by Google Maps' Street View option."

Many people want to be famous, whether it be the hordes of people auditioning for "American Idol," or simply Cher, whose desperate attempts at clinging to fame are marked by the fact that she's had more farewell tours than most people have teeth. Even I have to admit that while I happen to be more comfortable writing than I am in front of a camera, I probably wouldn't have too much of a problem if "Fame" were to show up at my door with a bouquet of balloons screaming "Congratulations Ryan, I'm here to make you famous!"

Of course by "Fame," I mean the abstract notion of being known or talked about by many people. If "Fame," the 1982 television show, were to show up at my door, I'd probably call the police.

As anyone who's ever become famous will agree, the quid pro quo for fame is privacy. Those who seek out fame understand that an erosion of privacy will occur. The starlet whose every rehab-ilicious mistake is splashed across the tabloids accepts her life, for thus is the price of repute. The housewife whose life may be uneventful but filled with fulfilling relationships and a fulfilling career accepts her life, for thus is the price of privacy. Famous people generally choose to be famous, private people generally choose to be private and life overall is pretty good.

Then Google stepped in and changed the rules.

Not too long ago, a person could become famous by doing absolutely nothing -- then upload that nothing to YouTube. Now all that one needs to do in order to become famous is to continue doing absolutely nothing -- while being outside. Google Maps, one of the leading online map websites, made headlines last May when they released a new and innovative way to view maps with Street View. Google drives up and down the streets of a particular city in an unmarked van and uses a panoramic camera to take 360-degree pictures of the actual street. The Street View option then presents a visitor to Google Maps with a 360-degree view of the street as if they were actually visiting that particular city.

Street_view

Soon after introducing this Street View, Google began to attract a small but surprising amount of controversy. A number of people became frustrated at being caught on camera by the unmarked Google van, thus inciting the claim that Street View infringed on the privacy of average citizens. When I first learned of this controversy last summer, I assumed that these people were simply being paranoid. Only five cities originally had this Street View option available -- San Francisco, New York, Las Vegas, Denver and Miami -- and it didn't really concern me.


Then I learned that as of Feb. 12, Salt Lake City had been added to the Street View option on Google Maps.

Then I learned that my apartment is visible on the Street View option on Google Maps.

Then I saw myself on the Street View option on Google Maps.

I never thought my 15 minutes of fame would be this blurry.

I emailed Google's press department concerning the recent addition of Salt Lake City and received a response from Elaine Filadelfo with Google, Inc. According to Ms. Fildelfo, "the imagery [of Salt Lake City] is typically between a couple of months and a year old at the time of the launch." She also wrote that "our users have told us this ability to view a location as if they were actually there helps them understand and find information about the places they live and visit."

While it was definitely unsettling to see my apartment -- and my blurry self -- on Google Maps, I personally don't have that much of an issue with this invasion of privacy. It does raise some interesting questions however, concerning where one draws this line. On one hand, it is an astounding breakthrough that allows anyone to view 360-degree images of nearly 30 cities. On the other hand, it creates a precedent for unsolicited pictures of average citizens to be uploaded online for millions to see. On the third hand, most people lead such innocuous lives that they aren't that concerned whether a Google van catches them taking out the trash or picking their nose. On the fourth hand, it puts the anonymity of those who simply wish to lead private lives at risk. What can we make from this, aside from the fact that I clearly have four hands?

Most people don't live in Salt Lake City because they want to be famous -- they want to lead regular, private lives. It may be easier for those who desire fame to find it because of this increasingly connected world in which we find ourselves, but conversely, it is much more difficult for those who wish to remain private to do so. Cell phone cameras, Facebook, blogs, YouTube and Google Maps' Street View play only a small part in this. Andy Warhol most likely didn't anticipate the digital age when he conceived his 1968 hypothesis regarding fame. Nevertheless, I truly believe that everyone will have their 15 minutes of fame.

Whether they like it or not.

How You Found Bullshattuck, February 2008

I'll admit that this isn't necessarily the most original idea, having copied this idea from Drew's Back of the Cereal Box blog, as well as everyone else's blog.

As today is March 1st, I thought I would share the words people googled during the month of February which lead visitors to Bullshattuck. If this proves to be successful, I'll make this a regular, month-end ritual. Keep in mind however, that I have no way of actually gauging 'success' - therefore any success will gauged by the fact that no one emails me and tells me eat poison and die. Which wouldn't be the first time.

That having been said, here - with my favorites in red - are the:

The Words People Googled Which Lead Them to Bullshattuck During February 2008
(Sponsored By Hepatitis™:
"That's What You Get For Spending Your Spring Break In Mexico
")

*"ryan shattuck" "eric snider"
*famous gay mormons
*never get married
*kevin beacon
*2008 oscars review
*"secretary's day information"
*"michael tielborg"
*chris buttars contact information
*email address lds leaders
*Kevin Bacon as a child molester
*christina aguilera voting
*"chris buttars" find of the day
*+CHRIS +BUTTARS +COMMENT
*buttars controversy -racist -baby
*"Senator Chris Buttars"
*Dane Cook homosexuality
*framed quote
*2008 Secretary Day
*2008 presidential candidate slogans
*Chris buttars
*kevin bacon myspace
*CHRIS BUTTARS EMAIL ADDRESS
*christina aguilera voting
*toupee carson daly
*"gay mormon"
*Gay quotes from Chris Buttars
*chris butters images
*Chris Buttars
*+Christina +Aguilera +voting
*how do gay people luck
*chris buttars quotes
*MIKA utah concert
*nick and ryan february 2008
*Christina Aguilera voting
*picture chris buttars
*email senator chris buttars
*christina aguilera voting
*bullshattuck
*is dane cook mormon
*Christina Aguilera voting
*what to wear at a mika concert
*christina aguilera voting
*Mika Boston pictures
*mika concert utah
*"National Poetry Foundation"
*Mika

According to this list, the things people primarily had on their mind during the month of February were Christina Aguilera, Mika, and Chris Buttars - three people I would love to see in a room together.

I'm not joking. I would actually kill a girl scout if it meant I get to see Christina Aguilera, Mika, and Chris Buttars in a room at the same time.

Happy March!

Do Not Turn Jesus On

My friend Renee sent me this link to a picture she found on Flickr. It kind of makes me wish I had one while growing up - I probably wouldn't have turned out gay. Oh wait, strike that - this lightswitch makes everyone gay:

Suffer_the_children

Christina Aguilera Represents Two Large ConsTituents

As I've mentioned in past postings, I track pretty regularly the google searches that bring visitors to my site. On February 5th I wrote a rather dumb posting with the innocuous title of But Who Is CHRISTINA AGUILERA Voting For? One, the posting wasn't even about Christina Aguilera at all. Two, it's poor grammar (Who ends in a preposition anymore? What am I, twelve?).

In any case, I've noticed the following string of words are showing up in the google searches that are leading visitors to Bullshattuck:

christina aguilera voting
"christina aguilera voting"
+Christina +Aguilera +voting
christina aguilera voting
christina aguilera voting

I don't understand. Why are so many people obsessed with the presidential candidate that Christina Aguilera is voting for? Are people really making their own political decisions based on those of a celebrity?

Indulging my curiosity, I decided to google "Christina Aguilera voting" myself (which sounds inappropriate if you say it out loud).

I think I found out why so many people are googling Christina Aguilera - and I'm pretty sure that it has nothing to do with whom she's supporting for president:

(these pictures are exactly as I found them on Google - there was no cropping or editing on my part)

Christina_aguilera_voting

Christina_aguilera_still_voting

Ohhhhhhh... now I get it.

Wikipedia Find of the Day: "Secretary's Day"

For some strange reason*, I recently needed to look up some information on "Secretary's Day."

I did a search for "Secretary's Day" on Wikipedia, and as Wikipedia is fond of doing, it provided me with a list of pages 'relating' to my search:

Secretarys_day

Are you freaking kidding me? I can't even look up "Secretary's Day" without coming across the names of presidential candidates?

Some people say the proliferation of seeing presidential candidates' names everywhere is positive proof of society's engagement in this year's election.

I say the proliferation of seeing presidential candidates' names everywhere is akin to the West Nile Virus.


*(To be honest, I was looking up information on "Secretary's Day" because I swear I forget all about Secretary's Day every year - and believe my secretary is only minutes away from quitting. I want to give her something nice this year. Except I don't have a secretary. So never mind.)

Proof That Freedom (and Too Much Time) Exists

To the people who doubt that America is the greatest country in the world, I say to them: would you  find the following amazing website in a COMMUNIST country?

www.stuffonmycat.com

No, no you wouldn't. Communist, freedom-hating countries don't have the patience for amazing websites such as this - a website I found yesterday while googling the words "cat" and "stuff on."

Seriously. Only in America.

Have You Seen Kevin Bacon's MySpace Page?

(This article was published in the
January 22nd, 2008 issue of the The Daily Utah Chronicle)



I miss old school, laissez-faire pop culture. When everything wasn’t so complicated. When pop-culture wasn’t owned by just one giant entity.

When everyone was separated from Kevin Bacon in just seven easy steps.

As it turns out, only six degrees of separation connect me to Kevin Bacon. I’m related to Mark Shattuck who worked on the film Mad City which starred John Travolta who starred in the movie Face/Off with Nicolas Cage who starred in the movie Adaptation with Meryl Streep who starred in the movie The River Wild with Kevin Bacon who attempted to re-invent his career by growing out his hair and starring in Hanes commercials.

See? Six easy degrees of separation. So few steps, I could fit them on a t-shirt.

In the year 2008 however, I belong to MySpace and Facebook. I’m now connected to well over 87 billion people, give or take a few dozen. It’s quite overwhelming to consider. I’m no longer connected to Kevin Bacon – that center of the pop culture universe – by six easy steps. I’m now connected to him by at least half a million online friends. Try fitting that on a t-shirt.

MySpace, Facebook, and other social networking sites have unquestionably redefined pop culture. It would be naïve to say otherwise. MySpace is referenced by comics on late night TV. I’ve had more than one presidential candidate request to add me as their Facebook friend. Hot Topic has sold shirts with clever commentary such as ‘Your Mom Is In My Top Eight’ and ‘You Looked Better On MySpace.’

Regardless of whether we like it or not, MySpace the Behemoth and Facebook the Colossus are here to stay. There’s no way around it. When an online social network of approximately 220,186,259 users grows exponentially on a daily basis, it isn’t likely to simply disappear. Entities that large have too much staying power to crumble and fall apart (the exceptions of course, being Enron, the Roman Empire, and the 1980’s).

Beware of the iPod – hearing loss is imminent! Beware of cell phones – they’re known to give cancer! As with anything enjoyed by a large mass of people, social networking sites have come under heavy criticism in the past year. Beware of MySpace – the site exudes lowers family values, and people have been known to contact an STD simply by visiting! Stay clear of Facebook, as founder Mark Zuckerberg has been known to write code called “Beacon” that manipulates users into buying unwanted crap!

A common criticism launched at social networking sites is the proliferation of ‘immoral’ people online. While undoubtedly true, it must be pointed out that child molesters, murders, robbers, perverts and rapists have been molesting, murdering, robbing, perverting and raping long before social networking sites ever came about. Nevertheless, it is true that MySpace, Facebook and others are simply another tool in the How To Be A Creep arsenal. Such creeps have simply moved from giving candy to children on the playground to looking for them online.

The actuality of child molesters on social networking sites certainly doesn’t negate the fact that we need to be careful. Perhaps that is the smartest thing that one can do – simply be careful when being online. While MySpace recently announced stricter security measures – a step in the right direction – it might also make more sense for parents who are concerned with MySpace to instead monitor where their child visits online. Most parents wouldn’t send their child to the playground alone late at night – is there much difference any allowing a child to use a social networking site alone, late at night?

I’ll be the first to concede that many social networking sites are inappropriate. It truly depends however on the individual. Like any form of media, a person will find that which they wish to find. Through Facebook I’ve found a large number of old friends from school and work and am able to stay in touch with them in ways that normally wouldn’t be possible. If one is smart enough to be discriminating in using other forms of media, then one shouldn’t have many problems in avoiding that which one doesn’t wish to see.

Let’s not lie to ourselves. Social networking sites aren’t perfect, meant for everyone, or contain the majesty of a unicorn. They don’t solve world problems, aren’t magical, and most don’t feed the homeless. Like any form of media however, they entirely depend on the people who use it. They don’t destroy civilization; they are simply websites that should be used by responsible individuals.

Whether we like it or not, social networking sites are here to stay.

Unfortunately, so is Kevin Bacon.